


i'm gonna write it in stone (that you were my home)

by freckledpianoman



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, but also i'm very proud of this, like a lot LOT of angst ok, so in advance i am sorry, wow kiara is really whipped and also really really dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23997646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledpianoman/pseuds/freckledpianoman
Summary: kiara carrera + her life in flashes
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 198





	i'm gonna write it in stone (that you were my home)

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i'm back with more WAY sooner than i expected, fair warning this is angsty as shit but i'm very proud of it 'cause it made me FEEL THINGS. also title from Forest Fire by Brighton!

Kiara is wiping down the counter in her parent’s restaurant when three pogues walk in. For a second, her Kook brain takes over and she wonders if they can afford to be here, before she smacks herself and realizes that’s classist as fuck. They end up walking over to another group of guys who’ve been here for about ten minutes- just from looking at how they interact with each other she can tell they only sort of know each other, the pogues are obviously here for something from these dudes.

Against her better judgement, she tunes in to the conversation- and, to no surprise, they’re talking about a party going on at the beach tonight. For a second, she thinks about butting into the conversation to ask if she can crash. 

It might be out of line for her to do that, but it’s not like anyone here actually knows her other than her parents, and fuck inhibitons, right? She can do what she wants. So she does.

“Party? Is it open invitation or do I need a pass?” She’s prone to sticking her nose in things, sue her. All the guys turn to look at her and she gets a good look at them. There’s a brunette with kind eyes (she doesn’t know how she knows, she just does), a darker skinned guy wearing a cap, and a blonde who’s the first to speak to her.

“You should come, Kook.” He grins “If you’ll be off work by then.” His face implies nothing but mischief- luckily Kiara knows she can hold her own, and she won’t let some random  _ dude _ make her feel intimidated.

“Well, the bosses can’t fire me, I’m their kid. So I’ll be there.” She smiles like her mom taught her to do in any social situation with someone she doesn’t really know- if she doesn’t cause trouble, trouble won’t surround her.

“Sweet, then we can talk more there. ‘Til then, I’m JJ. And then we have John B,” he gestures to the brunette, who flashes a peace sign. “And Pope.” Pope just smiles and nods at her.

“Kiara.” 

~~

She drags herself off of the pullout bed in the Routledge’s living room as Big John clangs two pots together to rouse the boys out of their sleep. John B is in his room, probably still conked out- because he could probably sleep through an earthquake- Pope is curled up in the recliner, eyes fluttering open, and JJ is somehow still asleep out on the other side of the pullout.

There’s no way she’d normally drag herself out of bed at the asscrack of dawn, but they’re all going fishing in Big John’s boat, and he wants to get an early start. Big John’s cool- he’s got lots of stories to tell, and he has no qualms about letting any of them stay the night whenever they want to. He even lets them sip off a shared beer every once in a while- life is good.

She rubs her eyes and walks over to JJ, nudging his shoulder lightly at first, then full on shoving him as his eyes stay glued shut. “Come on, dude, we gotta go.” He groans and grabs her wrist, trying to pull her back onto the bed with him.

“C’mon, Kie- five more minutes, you’re warm.” She doesn’t know how he does it- but JJ Maybank manages to run cold even in the dead of summer.

“We’re in North Carolina, you don’t need any more warmth. Get up.” She tugs on his hand and he pouts, letting her pull him into a sitting position. His eyes are still closed as he starts to flop backwards and she rushes to catch him, grabbing his wrist and behind his back to keep him upright.

He chuckles as she struggles, and eventually concedes and crawls out of the bed as John B clambers down the hallway, looking about as conscious as the rest of them.

“Good morning, Outer Banks.” John B mutters, heading into the kitchen to start coffee.

Later, when they’re all sat on the boat together, Kiara stretches her legs over JJ’s lap while they share a beer and listen to Big John tell stories of hidden treasures and riches beyond belief. 

They don’t end up catching any fish, but she has a good time nonetheless.

~~

Kiara hates school. Like,  _ hates  _ it. It’s the only place her boys can’t follow her- they go to Pogue school, while she’s stuck in this Kook hellhole for the next four years. She’s not afraid of the truth- nobody here knows or likes her.

There’s not really any particular reason for anyone to dislike her, but her ranting about going green and carbon emissions probably doesn’t make kids rich beyond belief see her in a positive light (they’re scared of their own hypocrisy and she knows it). The day is it’s normal amount of sucky when someone accidentally (read: purposefully) dumps a smoothie in her lap in the cafeteria.

She makes it to the bathroom before hot tears (of pure frustration, nothing else) start rolling down her face. She’s a sad sight in the mirror, face turning red and legs covered in sticky purple sludge. She fucking  _ hates it here. _

When one of the stall doors swings open, she decides  _ this is it, I’m transferring _ , and that feeling only intensifies when she sees Sarah Cameron walk out. This incident will be all over the school within the hour.

She almost has a stroke when Sarah fucking Cameron rests a hand on her shoulder gently, and realizes this must be a dream when she speaks to her.

“You need a change of clothes? I have sweatpants in my locker.” It’s at this point that she realizes Sarah is crying, too. She sniffles to stall her answer for a second, to give Sarah a chance to take it back and laugh at her. Sarah just watches her and smiles softly.

Kie nods. “Yeah that’d be great. Um- are you okay?”

The blonde shrugs. “‘M fine. I’m Sarah.” She sticks out a hand.

“I know. I’m Kiara.” Their hands shake in a silent agreement to look out for each other.

“I know.”

~~

She’s already gone full Kook once she manages to run into JJ at the pogue gas station. She knew the risk of coming to the one near his house,  _ damn it _ . She prays he’ll just ignore her, but JJ being JJ, he marches up to her in the snack aisle and looks her up and down.

“Kook’s not a good look on you, Kiara.” He murmurs and brushes past her, grabbing a bag of chips. There’s no good way to reply to that- she knows she’s in the wrong here, but Kook life swallowed her like a wave, and here she is.

“What the hell are you even doing here? Shouldn’t you be shopping at Whole Foods or something?” He pivots back to her, eyes cold. She hates this.

She  _ knows _ she hurt them- but she was hurting, too, and Sarah was just there in a way nobody else could be. She needed to fall back on that, and she never  _ meant _ to fall out of Pogue life, the Kooks just kind of pulled her out of it.

First it was convincing her to ditch random hangouts for parties, then stopping her before she could even get on their side of the island, and eventually she was full Kook.

“JJ, look, dude- I’m sorry. We just… took different paths in our lives, I guess.” She murmurs and forgets why she was here in the first place- she should go before this gets any worse.

“You ditched us, Kie!” He snaps. “You didn’t even come back when Big John went missing, and you just wanna sit there and act like it’s not your fault we’re not friends anymore.”

_ Ouch _ . He’s definitely not wrong, but nobody’s ever said it to her face like that. Thinking about it now, if she could backtrack and continue with Pogue life, she’s not sure what she would do. School is better now, people tolerate her, but everything feels less… real. The Kooks don’t know her, the Pogues do.

JJ especially, they were best friends- there was just some stuff they couldn’t protect each other from. And now they’re here.

“I’m sorry, JJ.”

He storms out.

~~

She calls the cops on Sarah’s party. She knows it’s petty, but it might be the only thing that can make her feel better. She has nobody. She is nobody- just a face in a flood of people who don’t care about her.

~~

She brings weed as a peace offering when she approaches the Pogues. They don’t accept it straight off the bat, don’t let her make her case while they all pass it around in an echoing silence.

She won’t cry, because to her that’s begging for their forgiveness. She’s not here to beg, she’s here to try and make it better and then go about her life.

Nothing significant happens that night. They finish smoking, she leaves.

When she runs into Pope in town, they actually talk, though. About everything- Kook life, her leaving them for it. They hug- it’s weird and it’s great. And a step in the right direction.

Next comes John B, at the suggestion of Pope. He says to her on a call one night, “Believe it or not I think John B is less mad at you for not being there when his dad went missing than JJ is.”

She goes to his house, knocks on the door gently, and offers him a beer and some pizza. Surprisingly, he lets her in- she wonders if Pope told him she was coming.

She apologizes, he shrugs and takes another sip of beer. “All good.” He sighs, hugging her and relaxing against her.

JJ is obviously the toughest nut to crack, because he is fucking  _ pissed  _ about her leaving. Both John B and Pope tell her not to just approach him, he’s basically like a scared new pet- just hang out in its vicinity and let it come to you. That’s their comparison, not her’s.

She follows their advice, for a while- JJ still ignores her, lets his gaze slip past her as she walks towards the hammocks they’re sitting in. She deserves it, they all agree on that.

Eventually, though, Pope and John B have enough and arrange to hang out at the docks- they obviously don’t show, and it’s just JJ and Kie and a whole lot of tension.

“Those assholes.” He groans at the same time she says, “I’m sorry, JJ.”

Their eyes meet in understanding and he hugs her before she has a chance to notice the bruises on his upper arm.

“I won’t leave you again. Ever.”

~~

They pull a similar trick to force later her to make up with Sarah. Now she has all her friends in a group together. They’re a family.

~~

She cradles JJ’s head to her chest and thinks  _ I’m going to kill Luke Maybank _ as he sobs and splutters to try and make it make sense to her and Pope.

It will never make sense to her why someone so good had to be in a situation so bad, and she swears she’ll never let anyone hurt him for the rest of her life. Family protects family.

~~

She’s dancing with JJ, half-drunk at a beach party when she realizes she’s in love with him. It’s not really a huge surprise, but she’s not ready for it to hit her like a ton of bricks and stop her right in her tracks.

He laughs. “Why’d you stop dancing?” He murmurs next to her ear and she’s either gonna throw up or cry.

Instead of doing either of those, she attacks him in a hug and breathes slowly into the crook of his neck. “I’m just really glad we’re here. Together.”

“Aww, Kie- are you going soft on me?” He teases, but he doesn’t let go, he just holds her for a second. He probably thinks she’s drunk and rambling, but she means everything she’s thinking and saying.

“I’m not soft for anyone.” She snorts and he pinches her side, causing her to jump back. Somehow he ends up right back where he was, next to her ear.

“I’m glad we’re together, too. But don’t tell anyone I said that.” 

“I will hold that secret next to my heart until the day I die, JJ Maybank.”

~~

She wakes up on the pullout with JJ wrapped around her. He’s freezing cold, especially his feet which are unconsciously rubbing up and down her legs.

She shivers away from him and he groans, rolling to hover over her and look her right in the eye. She could kiss him, if she wanted to.

“Stop moving, Kie- I’m trying to sleep.”

~~

He’s hovering over her. The stars shine through the trees and she’s focused on that, not his shaking hands held to her abdomen. Her head hurts. They’re in the forest, far enough away from anyone that she’s not sure they’ll be able to find help- it’s just him and her.

The group split up to run from Barry and he followed them. She’d clasped JJ’s hand and intentionally stayed behind him, so if that gun  _ was  _ real it would probably hit her and not him.

She hadn’t really realized that her caution was a good step to take before she’d started stumbling behind JJ, body going numb. He hadn’t looked back since they started running, but he glanced back at her and stopped, catching her in his chest.

There’s… a lot of blood as he lowers her to the forest floor, cradling behind her neck and covering her wound with his other hand.

JJ’s so pretty, but she hates to see him cry. Barry hasn’t shown up yet, so she assumes that he took off when he realized he actually hit her.

JJ’s sobbing and she focuses back in on him. “Kie, please-  _ nonononono.”  _ Her eyelids are heavy- she’s numb and cold. She’s not the one who runs cold, it’s him. She should run warm- her skin is always so warm.

Years of friendship and love are fading from her eyes.

“C’mon, Kie. Please, just hold on, I’ve got you.” He chokes, then lifts his head to scream for John B. She flinches and tries to squirm, because  _ Jesus, dude- quiet down. _ She whimpers and her breathing picks up as blackness clouds in her peripheral.

All she’s ever seen is him. She feels him cupping her face, and his tears fall onto her cheeks. She’s not crying. She’s tired.

“JJ…” She breathes.

“Kie, I’ve got you, just please keep your eyes open for me, okay?” He screams for John B again, for Pope, even for Barry. Anyone because  _ he doesn’t know what he’s doing _ .

“We’ve wasted a lot of time.” She breathes through a weak exhale.

She wishes she could kiss him- wishes she had the strength right now.

She wishes she’d had the strength before.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M SORRY. (i may or may not write a sequel to this lemme know if you're interested).  
> check out my [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/freckledpianoman) !!


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